William I really enjoyed your poem. Especially the ‘She’ phrase at the beginning of each verse. It really made it effective. Where did you learn that skill? To improve, I think you should use more emotional language.
Well done Elizabeth,I like the way at the end with I wait and I wait also it gave me an image in my head and I think you have put the effort in to your work.
Kane
I really liked your poem because of that phase when you said I’ve never took a life before.
But,I didn’t understand the second word with the dot dot dot.
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Bobby I like your poem because your saying that will I die? Or will I ever eat my food again?
You put some emotion in your work but I think you can put more do you hear me?
Next time you should put improve your hand writing.
Wow Ruby, really good! It really drew me in. Very nice handwriting.Where did you get those ideas?Better if you lay it out strait because it was a bit wonky at the end.
I really liked your poem Nadine. Great use of words! Instead of using sad or other words like that, you used really powerful words that create a strong image in my head. Did you enjoy writing it? In a way you could’ve improved is by making it clear where the scene is. Other than that, it was great.
Well done Matthew. You have put a lot of effort into your poem. One thing I got confused with was you said that your son saw you get shot. If you were on the battlefield and your son was at home, how would he have seen you get shot? If you had another chance to correct the poem what would you change?
Well done Megan your poem is really nice. Although it is short it still creates a nice effect on the reader. I like the way most of the verses are questions, what poem did you adapt to make it like that? Maybe next time you can make it better by improving you spelling.
Excellent peace poem Megan! I love the way that you repeated the phrase “why is there war if we all want peace” it’s very effective. Where did you get that phrase from, did you make it up? To make it even better you could look over it and add more emotion.
I love your peace poem Mayomi . You have rhymed really well . Have you adapted the paper dove ? Next time you should improve your layout , it is kind of confusing .
Great poem Ruby! Since your poem rhymes it really makes it really effective. Maybe you could’ve used powerful words. What would you change if you had to re-write it? In a way you could’ve improved is by asking adults if your stuck on a word and you don’t know how to spell it. Anyway it was great!
Well done Junayd I really like your poem it creates a very emotional effect. Did you adapt it from death of a hero? One way you could improve is by working on your structure.
Your poem is really good! I like the way that you included Jesus’ quote it makes it more emotive. Did you use the structure of paper dove? To improve you could add better vocabulary.
These are fabulous poems Year Six, full of emotion and well presented. It is also great to see the range of styles you have used. I really enjoyed hearing some of them the other day and was glad to find them on the blog so that I could read the rest. Very well done to you all.
I really like all of the poems . Some of them make me feel like I want to cry , feel sorry for someone or feel happy and sad for someone . I can link this to the last year 6 rememberance day poems , they were good to .
Jacorey you have wrote a great poem. You had a good ideas, where did you get them from other poems? Jacorey your writing looked like you didn’t use guide lines as you wrote you your poem so you must of wrote different size or not use the guide lines.
Ruby I liked the way you repeated the first verse at the end. Which poem did you adapt? I don’t really understand the second to last verse. Could you read over your poem next time?
Bobby,
Well done very much your writing is very good, I liked the fact that you used questions in your prom it had a good effect. Did you adapt this from death of a hero? Next time you could improve by using word choice that creates more effect.
Well done Ruby I really like the way that you have put emotion in the text and your writing put an image in my head your handwriting could be better and word choices
Well done Jacorey. You have clearly put lots of effort into your work. In my opinion you should work on your handwriting because I found it hard to read. What do you think?
Great poem Bobby I think it one of the best I’ve seen.
I could see in your writing that you was focused and got your head down.
Aldo the peom was great I couldn’t really understand the writing so can you please work on it.
Well done Michael very good! Great to see your work and well done to you all in year 6. A big thank you to Mr French and Miss Pittman ☺ x
William I really enjoyed your poem. Especially the ‘She’ phrase at the beginning of each verse. It really made it effective. Where did you learn that skill? To improve, I think you should use more emotional language.
Fantastic writing Kaled! I’m so proud of you xxx
Thank you
I like it Mayomi ,I liked how you showed such emotion it makes me feel like I am going to cry. I can link this to Sofia’s poem about the dove.
Thank you Elizabeth
Well done Elizabeth,I like the way at the end with I wait and I wait also it gave me an image in my head and I think you have put the effort in to your work.
Jacorey I really like how you did the structure I can link it to the structure that I did maybe you could make it more clearer please.
Ok thanks @Micheal
Chelsey I like the way you have layed your work like that and your poem gave me an image in my head.
Kane
I really liked your poem because of that phase when you said I’ve never took a life before.
But,I didn’t understand the second word with the dot dot dot.
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
I really like your poem Bobby it really makes me think back to the pepole who died for us.
Thank you che now I am going to coment on your poem.
Junayd l like yours words you use I am going to yours some of you words but if you could make it a bit clearer but it was good.
Junayd i loke your good use of words and good handwritting . I really liked the emotion you used
Bobby I like your poem because your saying that will I die? Or will I ever eat my food again?
You put some emotion in your work but I think you can put more do you hear me?
Next time you should put improve your hand writing.
Thank you junayd for comant on my work but please do not say do you hear me please thank you.
Junayd I like how you stole some words from different poems try and not use so much words from the same poem.
Ruby I really like how you repeted your words especilly at the ending it really makes the poem I really enjoyed reading it .
Dillon you put a lot of effort in your work. You really need to improve your emotion do hear me?You also need to improve your expanded noun phrase.
Che I enjoyed your poem and you put a lot of effort in the poem next time do the same effort you put in.
Wow Ruby, really good! It really drew me in. Very nice handwriting.Where did you get those ideas?Better if you lay it out strait because it was a bit wonky at the end.
I like how you put an image in my head Sayed . Which poem did you adapt ? Next time you could rhyme a bit more .
I really liked your poem Nadine. Great use of words! Instead of using sad or other words like that, you used really powerful words that create a strong image in my head. Did you enjoy writing it? In a way you could’ve improved is by making it clear where the scene is. Other than that, it was great.
Dillon your writing was quite good esspecialy the question at the end. But you could of put a full stop after blood.
Great poem Rumman! I love the way that it rhymes. It reminds me of the paper dove.Was it hard to think of words to rhyme with each other?
Thank you Nadine. It was quite hard to think of the rhymes.
Well done Matthew. You have put a lot of effort into your poem. One thing I got confused with was you said that your son saw you get shot. If you were on the battlefield and your son was at home, how would he have seen you get shot? If you had another chance to correct the poem what would you change?
I find your poem really emotional Nadine . Where did you get the idea about MIA ? Maybe next time you could rhyme and see which one is better .
Thank you Madiha! I got the idea of MIA from Nanny McPhee. Doing a rhyming poem and comparing it is a great idea and I will definitely try it out.
Well done Megan your poem is really nice. Although it is short it still creates a nice effect on the reader. I like the way most of the verses are questions, what poem did you adapt to make it like that? Maybe next time you can make it better by improving you spelling.
Excellent peace poem Megan! I love the way that you repeated the phrase “why is there war if we all want peace” it’s very effective. Where did you get that phrase from, did you make it up? To make it even better you could look over it and add more emotion.
I love your peace poem Mayomi . You have rhymed really well . Have you adapted the paper dove ? Next time you should improve your layout , it is kind of confusing .
Great poem Ruby! Since your poem rhymes it really makes it really effective. Maybe you could’ve used powerful words. What would you change if you had to re-write it? In a way you could’ve improved is by asking adults if your stuck on a word and you don’t know how to spell it. Anyway it was great!
Well done Junayd I really like your poem it creates a very emotional effect. Did you adapt it from death of a hero? One way you could improve is by working on your structure.
Great poem Allahbaz . How did you come up with your ideas ? Next time you should read over your work and check if it makes sense .
Your poem is really good! I like the way that you included Jesus’ quote it makes it more emotive. Did you use the structure of paper dove? To improve you could add better vocabulary.
Amazing work Year 6. I can see that you’ve worked really hard on your poems. Lots of emotive language used, which drew me in to your poems. Well done.
Thank you Mrs Reynolds for you comment. I hope you enjoyed reading them.
Thank you Mrs Reynolds !
Thank you for reading our poems I appreciate that you red them,thank you. 🙂
These are fabulous poems Year Six, full of emotion and well presented. It is also great to see the range of styles you have used. I really enjoyed hearing some of them the other day and was glad to find them on the blog so that I could read the rest. Very well done to you all.
Thank you Mrs Varma. I feel very touched!
Thank you Mrs Varma. We have worked very hard to make our poems perfect and touching for Remembrance Day. I hope you enjoyed reading them.
Thank you Mrs Varma. We really enjoyed making the poems.
Thank you Mrs Varma for your kind comment. We are all very proud of our work and appreciate that you enjoyed reading them.
I like the good use of words you used and the emotion you used . junayd your poem is excellnt keep up the good work .
Junayd I really like your poem, it put’s a image in my head. Next time read over your work because the last sentence does not make any sense.
I really like all of the poems . Some of them make me feel like I want to cry , feel sorry for someone or feel happy and sad for someone . I can link this to the last year 6 rememberance day poems , they were good to .
Jacorey you have wrote a great poem. You had a good ideas, where did you get them from other poems? Jacorey your writing looked like you didn’t use guide lines as you wrote you your poem so you must of wrote different size or not use the guide lines.
Ruby I liked the way you repeated the first verse at the end. Which poem did you adapt? I don’t really understand the second to last verse. Could you read over your poem next time?
Bobby,
Well done very much your writing is very good, I liked the fact that you used questions in your prom it had a good effect. Did you adapt this from death of a hero? Next time you could improve by using word choice that creates more effect.
Matthew, your work is really meat and I like the fact that you done you can cry and you can smile
All of year six well done you’re work is amazing
WELL DONE
Well done Ruby I really like the way that you have put emotion in the text and your writing put an image in my head your handwriting could be better and word choices
Anya I love the you have rhymed in your paragraphs its was amazing and also you created imagery in my mind and your hand writing is amazing
And if your poem was longer then it would of made more imagery
Well done Jacorey. You have clearly put lots of effort into your work. In my opinion you should work on your handwriting because I found it hard to read. What do you think?
Great poem Bobby I think it one of the best I’ve seen.
I could see in your writing that you was focused and got your head down.
Aldo the peom was great I couldn’t really understand the writing so can you please work on it.
By Jacorey