Salma your writing is improving week by week! Keep it up!The only thing I can say is that you should of followed Mr French’s tension steps! Other than that try using different sentence openers!Well done wolves!
-Salma’s Mum
Year 6 – The ending to the story of ‘The Savage’ was very interesting. Your use of words was very vivid and descriptive. It’s clear you all enjoyed writing the end to this story. No two endings were the same you all thought very hard about what you were doing. Good writers. Well done everyone.
Mr French our writing is definitely improving weekly as we are practicing! Our assembly is also coming this Friday and I can’t wait to show the parent/cares,adults ,teachers ,pupils and the whole school what we (wolves class) have been learning this term! I think Sophia should be the writer if the week because of how much tension she added to her work(especially because the Walt was write a dramatic,tension story.!)
I am so impressed with how much everyone’s writing has come on since year 5!
I had a look at Maxxwell’s writing with him and I particularly liked when he showed how Hopper was feeling through his actions (heart pounding) instead of just telling us. I also liked the way he used some very short sentences to build tension. Well done!
Nathan your writing was brilliant but the past tense version of drink is drank not drunk. You used “Show not tell” well when the Savage was about to kill Hopper and when the fight began between Hopper’s dad and the Savage.
Wow Michaela, your use of describing was very effective. ‘That brutal,ugly faced frog’ really put an image of Hopper in my mind. Nice use of speech but when a new person is talking you do not have to leave a line, you just start a new one.
Eg: ‘Hello, how are you,’asked Tom
‘I am fine thank you,’ replied Kat.
You do not need to leave a line. Overall it was a good piece of writing and I enjoyed it. Keep it up.
Salma, your opening paragragh made me feel like I was there, it’s like I could smell the smoke from the cigarettes. And the way that you used ellipses, it made me wonder about what he thinks must done. Well done!!!!!!
Youssef, you built up a lot of tension and I wonder who or what caused the CRASH. Though I don’t see why a fox would bite the Savage as they will eat vegetation and animals that are smaller than it.
Wow Youssef, you really built up a lot tension in your story. Especially near the end. I really wanted to know who made the crashing noise and still do. Well done for remembering to place your punctuation inside the inverted commas. Nice work.
Wow year 6 all your stories were amazing!!!I like that some kill Hopper and some were so close but then the Savage saw some good in Hopper and just beat him up without kill him.
Good work Rico, your word choice in your first sentence and second sentence, ‘Filled with intense anger and Hopper laying in his own pool of blood’, it has drew me in already.
Leonor your handwriting is really neat and very clear to read,you managed to inclued the sentence type we have been learning(the more,the more, Some:others) ,you have also followed the steps to create tension…..So well done! Just practise your spelling and your writing will progress even more! Be proud off your work
Nathan your writing was amazing!!I like the way you started with “gulp gulp” because it builds tensions.The first thing I said when read that was “what was that noise” but all it was the Savage.
Younnes yor writing is so beautiful and your the more, the more sentences really is good keep it up.
Also tell your brother should be very proud about himself , and you.
Both of you built a lot of tension and excitement.
Mr French year 6 are very great ful for what you have been teaching and for putting us here so we can make the quality of are work could be outstanding.You have also make learn how use tension and how to break some rules to make are work even better thank you Mr French(one of the best teachers in London).
Salma your writing is improving week by week! Keep it up!The only thing I can say is that you should of followed Mr French’s tension steps! Other than that try using different sentence openers!Well done wolves!
-Salma’s Mum
Year 6 – The ending to the story of ‘The Savage’ was very interesting. Your use of words was very vivid and descriptive. It’s clear you all enjoyed writing the end to this story. No two endings were the same you all thought very hard about what you were doing. Good writers. Well done everyone.
Nathan’s mum
Well done Wolves for some fantastic endings to The Savage. The stories were filled with suspense and I could not wait to find out the fate of Hopper.
Mr French our writing is definitely improving weekly as we are practicing! Our assembly is also coming this Friday and I can’t wait to show the parent/cares,adults ,teachers ,pupils and the whole school what we (wolves class) have been learning this term! I think Sophia should be the writer if the week because of how much tension she added to her work(especially because the Walt was write a dramatic,tension story.!)
I am so impressed with how much everyone’s writing has come on since year 5!
I had a look at Maxxwell’s writing with him and I particularly liked when he showed how Hopper was feeling through his actions (heart pounding) instead of just telling us. I also liked the way he used some very short sentences to build tension. Well done!
Nathan your writing was brilliant but the past tense version of drink is drank not drunk. You used “Show not tell” well when the Savage was about to kill Hopper and when the fight began between Hopper’s dad and the Savage.
Wow Michaela, your use of describing was very effective. ‘That brutal,ugly faced frog’ really put an image of Hopper in my mind. Nice use of speech but when a new person is talking you do not have to leave a line, you just start a new one.
Eg: ‘Hello, how are you,’asked Tom
‘I am fine thank you,’ replied Kat.
You do not need to leave a line. Overall it was a good piece of writing and I enjoyed it. Keep it up.
Salma, your opening paragragh made me feel like I was there, it’s like I could smell the smoke from the cigarettes. And the way that you used ellipses, it made me wonder about what he thinks must done. Well done!!!!!!
Youssef, you built up a lot of tension and I wonder who or what caused the CRASH. Though I don’t see why a fox would bite the Savage as they will eat vegetation and animals that are smaller than it.
Wow Youssef, you really built up a lot tension in your story. Especially near the end. I really wanted to know who made the crashing noise and still do. Well done for remembering to place your punctuation inside the inverted commas. Nice work.
Wow year 6 all your stories were amazing!!!I like that some kill Hopper and some were so close but then the Savage saw some good in Hopper and just beat him up without kill him.
I liked your use of show not tell Emeka! Instead of using hopped you might want to use slowly jumped of the rock.
Thank you, Younnes.
Good work Rico, your word choice in your first sentence and second sentence, ‘Filled with intense anger and Hopper laying in his own pool of blood’, it has drew me in already.
Your writing was very effective because of show not tell Harry! Check through your work because some sentences didn’t make sense. You have improved!
Leonor your handwriting is really neat and very clear to read,you managed to inclued the sentence type we have been learning(the more,the more, Some:others) ,you have also followed the steps to create tension…..So well done! Just practise your spelling and your writing will progress even more! Be proud off your work
I liked your use of onomatopoeia Nathan! Check through your work to make sure that it makes sense.
Nathan your writing was amazing!!I like the way you started with “gulp gulp” because it builds tensions.The first thing I said when read that was “what was that noise” but all it was the Savage.
Younnes yor writing is so beautiful and your the more, the more sentences really is good keep it up.
Also tell your brother should be very proud about himself , and you.
Both of you built a lot of tension and excitement.
Youssef, your writing of the savage is amazing : it is so go that every time the tension went up my heart would explode like fireworks.
I liked the way when Edward wrote that somebody said “what is that?”as when he saw the Savage.:D
Yedidja your onomatopoeia was excellent, you should keep up the “Bang!” Well done keep it up
I liked when Edward used show not tell when he said the Savage’s belly was rumbling which showed he was hungry.Great work Edward,Keep it up!
Mr French year 6 are very great ful for what you have been teaching and for putting us here so we can make the quality of are work could be outstanding.You have also make learn how use tension and how to break some rules to make are work even better thank you Mr French(one of the best teachers in London).
Nathan, your the more,the more sentence Is brilliant keep up the tension.