After watching the superb Macbeth production by the Young Shakespheare Company, we have been hard at work. Click on a child’s name to read their version of what Macbeth might have sent to Lady Macbeth after his first encounter with the witches.
Please comment.
Thanks
Jacorey Tyrese Kaled Junayd Rumman Elizabeth Matthew Bobby Megan Kane Sayed Chelsey Nadine Che Dillon Tia Ruby Fernanmi Michael Shem Anya Madiha Mayomi Amy William
well done! good writing piece.
Very good keep up the good work x
Well done Tyrese and kaled you both wrote a great piece on Macbeth I am very proud of you both.
Fantastic work year 6 and I’m extremely proud of kaleds work well done and also tyres with amazing work keep it up x
Che you have done a very good piece of work. Did you use a lot of show not tell? I think you could use a bit more emotion to expand the story and make it more exciting to read.
Good work Che you put an image in my head well done. Something to help you is to space out your work a little more.
Well done Sayed. I liked the way you set out your work to make it clearer. Which story inspired you to make this letter? You can improve my using more emotion in this text, using show not tell.
Thank you for commenting Denver. The story that inspired me was Macbeth by Shakespeare. I agree with you. I think I should use more show not tell to improve.
Junayd, this a every exciting piece of work, it creates an image and draws me in. Did you use emotion? It really stands out. I think to improve, you could add some more commas and full stops.
Your writing is very interesting Anya . You are really drawing the reader in. Have you ever read any love books or films ? You have missed out some letters in your words so some bits don’t make sense . Next time you should read over your work .
Thank you Madiha I will use your advice .
Che I like how you made an interesting distribtion about the there witches.The witches look wired inside my head, where did you you get the ideas from? Che you could also improve on making a longer story because you have some great ideas.
Great work Matthew, I like the way you put nice detail like in the sentence you said you remid me of red roses,
Aldo you could inprove on making your handwriting a bit clearer and a just 3inches bigger.
By Jacorey
Thanks Jacorey I will try to make my hand writing bigger
Well done Sayed ,I really like the feelings and emotions, you put into your letter.
Well done Sayed your hand writing is very good.It would be better if you discribe were they are having a battle.If you could would you put words that they would of used in Shakespeare time.
Great writing Anya! I like the way that you said, dear smoochy woochey. It reminds me of a book called geek girl, have you read it before? To make it even better, you could ad some more adjectives.
Ok thank you Nadine.
I like your work Dillon and I liked the part when you discrib the three witches and how did you put on a lot of emotion ? You have to improve in your spellings but I still like your work.
Well done Rumman you used very good description for the witches. You used ellipsis when Macbeth was thinking of killing Duncan this reminded me of a diary entry. Did you take it from your diary entry of Macbeth? Maybe you could improve by your handwriting being more legible in crossed out places.
I like the the way you have used show not tell Junayed.In my opinion you could have focused more,because you made a silly mistake.Instead of I has missed you,you could have written I have missed you.What do you think?
Well done Jacorey I really like the way that you described the witches .I wonder if you got the idea from the actual story,the only thing that I would say to improve would be to make your writing bigger
I really liked the way you described how much Macbeth missed his wife Elizabeth. Did you use show or tell? You could improve by adding a expanded noun phrase to really draw the reader in. You could add how Macbeth feels to show his emotion.
Dillon your piece of writing was very engaging to make it better you could of written more show not tell
I like your decribing words I am going to use your words now.
Dillon I like your writing. It is very exciting to read and puts a great image in my head. What inspired you most? I think to improve you can add some more show not tell like we practised in class.
I like your writing chelsey it really put a image in my head but I like but it would be better if you wrote more.
I really love your writing
Very nice detail in your first paragraph Matthew. Where did you get your ideas from? I think to improve you could write some more as you clearly have good ideas.
I agree with you Sayed, I think Matthew done a great job on the first paragraph but you should keep your writing clear the whole way through
Elizabeth I really like how you showed the person emotion it was really clear and good. It relates on my story about Mac Beth how you showed how he felt. I think you should space out your writing to make it more clear but other than that it was really good.
Nice work Tyrese! Did you get your ideas from Mr French’s example in class? It is very nice. To improve I think, you should go over your work and add in some words you have missed out.
Matthew I liked your writing you put a image in my head. To make you writing better you should make your writing a bit bigger. Where did you get your ideas from?
Elezabeth I really like how you showed the person emotion it was really clear and good. It relates on my story about Mac Beth how you showed how he felt. I think you should space out your writing to make it more clear but other than that it was really good.
Excellent piece of writing Nadine. Very clear and articulate!
A*
Fantastic letter to Lady Macbeth, it was very evocative and gave an insight into Macbeth’s torment as to what he should do. 🙂
Great content Anya, with a humorous touch. I was hooked from the first moment I started reading this piece. Please take time to proof read your writing. xx
Everyone – Excellent work you can use your knowledge to help others
Tyrese, you’ve done a very good piece of writing .
Where did you find the word scummy because I really like it.
Aldo I think you should work on your S’s because they kind of look B’s .
🙂 By Jacorey (:
I love your writing Rumman very clear and it gave me a image in my head. To make it better you can put big words to make it even better. What do you think?
I really liked the phrase ‘everyday without you was torture’ you used in your writing Megan . I was also engaged by your sentence opener ‘victory was ours’. It really created an image in your head. What do you think about your effort? To improve, you could add Macbeth’s emotions about his victory.
Jacoerey I like the way you set your work out. To make it better you could put more punctuation. Did you get you ideas from a love letter.
I like the way Rumman wrote how Macbeth considers killing king Duncan but then he changes his mind again . What was the l … ? Maybe you could add an expanded noun phrase ?
Thank you Megan for your comment. Next time I will add an expanded noun phrase.
The witches are green creatures with poka dot nose but they will win the longest nose. Torment she will get a gold medal.
I really like your sentence opener’victory was ours ‘Megan . What do you think about your effort? To improve you could add how Macbeth feels about his victory.
Outstanding work every one
Outstanding work every one especially Michael your handwriting is improving.
Dillon,
I like the way you put that emotion in your text.
Did you use your outside knowledge in some of your sentences?
The only thing I have to say is that you have to just work on your handwriting .
🙂 by Jacorey 🙂
I really like the way Mayomi describes everything that has happened to him to his wife . Where did you get I glow with pride ? I really like it .
Well done Rumman. I really liked your writing. Keep the good work up.
your writing is amazing , keep it up.
your handwriting is good but it can be improved .
Although there are spelling errors I really did enjoy reading and learning about Macbeth. I could by your effort that you enjoyed and understood what you learnt. Keep up the good work.
Rumman your writing is amazing,your writing reminds me of Macbeth did you get some of your ideals from there? You have done alot of crossings out next time you can make your plan better . Keep it up!
Che I really like your piece of writing.You have described those three witches very well,you have put a clear image in my head.In my opinion you could have punctuated your work better.You should also use show not tell.How do you think you could improve your writing?
Nadine you have used a lot of adjectives where necessary.How did you come up with all those ideas?I might steal some next time.To improve on your writing you could make it sound a bit less like a story.
Great piece of writing Elizabeth! I love the way you described Lady Macbeth’s eyes as blue, sparkling. It makes me think of a magical lake. What was your inspiration to describe her eyes the way you did? It would be even better if you added a bit more to your last paragraph explaining about what you want.
Matthew you writing is outstanding it reminds me of love films did you get some of your ideas from there? Next time you can write bigger .
Elizabeth you have really shown what you can do.You are really good at writing letters.I think you just need to work on your handwriting. What do you think you can improve on?
Thank you! I think that I should improve on show and not tell
I really like your piece of writing you. Well done Kaled.
Megan you writing is good it reminds me of a film called valentines did you get some of your ideas from there? Next time you can use more adjectives.
Well done Sayed! You have clearly shown lots of emotion and love for Lady Macbeth. You have clearly used show not tell very well. In my opinion you could have spaced your work out because it looks bunched together. That’s my opinion. What do you think?
Feranmi I like how you have put an image in my head.Could you use an expanded noun phrase next time? It would make it much better.To improve your writing you could use some more conjunctions like however,nevertheless.
Lovly writing Amy! It reminds of a song called see you again did you get some of your ideas from there ? Next time try to put exspanded noun phrases.
I really like my peice of writing. I have used show not tell very well. In my opinion I could have used more speech. I also think I could have added at least one or two semi-colons. To improve my peice of writing next time I will use semi-colons.
Mayomi your writing is outstanding and amazing. Did you read over your work? Next time you should read over your work because you have missed out letters.
Outstanding writing Che, it made my heart melt when I read the bit that said “the first thing I thought about to calm me down was you.” Have you watched love at first sight,that is what it reminds me of. To improve, you could look over your work to correct your spellings.
I really enjoyed your letter Dillon you took on the role of a loving husband exceptionally well.
I’m also very impressed that you had corrected your spelling mistakes.
You wrote a great piece of work. Good choice of vocabulary! It could have been written more in the structure of a letter rather than a story.
Well done Dillon, you empathised with the character very well and used great exciting words to bring emotion to your letter. It was very imaginative and you used a lot of knowledge which shows you knew exactly what you were talking about. Very consistent and good use of grammar/punctuation.
I’ve actually read the story of Macbeth and I can truly say that Dillon has captured in his letter the true love between Macbeth and Lady Macbeth and how much he missed her when fighting his battles. Very proud of you Dillon and well done xx
Dillon, your letter was very descriptive. You really brought your adventure to life.
Please remember to read over your writing to improve your spelling and grammar.
I thought your words were very descriptive, I enjoyed reading your letter and I’m sure Macbeth’s lady would have liked it as well! Well done!
Dillon this is a very descriptive piece and I like the way you have used your mind to be in character, I enjoyed reading this letter and I’m sure Macbeth’s wife would have as well. Well done, keep on those writing skills!!!
Hi Dillon! I hope I’m not too late in commenting but I was very impressed with your imaginative and excellent descriptive skills! I have yet to read Macbeth but I can tell you captured the undying love Macbeth has for Lady Macbeth. Also, I was so happy to see how much your writing skills improved. よくできました Dillon!
Dillon I like you handwriting and your presence I hope you do it again in another peace of work.
Bobby I think you should make it more clear I really like how you described the witches.
Thank you Michael for tell me what I have to get better at.
I agree I should practice goining and handwriting
Rumman I liked it in the beginning when you would start the sentences on how you loved Lady Macbeth. I can make a link when we redraft our diary entry. The thing that you can improve on is the handwriting more clear and a bit more bigger.
Outstanding writing Nadine. It put an image in my head , it was really clear to read and amazing. Better if you could space out your writing. Other than that it was really good.
Michael I like how you started but some words I can’t read but I no you would put good words in.
Really good writing Anya ! I like how you started with “Dear smoochy woochy ” it was funny. Have you heard the word smoochy woochy anywhere like in a book? Better if you could make it clear to read. Really good Anya.
well done year 6 lovely piece of writing.
Firstly I would like to say well done to the whole of year 6. I have not read Macbeth before but after reading these pieces of descriptive writings I am intrigued to read this book.
Well done Chelsey-Leigh. I enjoyed reading your work – it is very descriptive and even made me laugh. Next time take some more time at the end to check your spellings and punctuation. Overall a really enjoyable read. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK XX
I really like your trailer Matthew it was really funny.